Sunday, July 27, 2008

John Mayer is The Man

I almost didn't write this post.

But after watching this video:

I remembered just how bad ass Mayer is. And after reading an insulting blog post by one of my lame ass competitors, I felt that it would be in order to share John's greatness with the world.

Here are a few reasons why Mayer rocks:

1. I saw him live. It was a near-orgasmic experience.
2. Chicks dig Mayer.
3. He makes love to guitars. Electric and acoustic. No discrimination on his end.
4. He is funny. (see above)
5. He dates really, really hot women.
6. He has sweet ass tattoos.
7. ...did I mention that he hooks up with really hot women?
8. He sounds like an angel when he sings. A male angel.
9. He put on a Borat bathing suit once and the rest was history.
10. He made "Your Body is a Wonderland" - a timeless classic.
11. I cry a little bit inside when I listen to "Covered in Rain." (see below)

Most people that don't like John are the "I-don't-love-myself" types. They are the type of people that ride around in their stick shift cars listening to Gnarls Barkley and pretending to have elevated musical taste. These individuals often have horrible singing voices and are oft intimidated by John's sexual prowess. They listen to John when no one is looking and they are careful not to insult Mr. Mayer without offering an accompanying compliment - which is quite the contradictory act.

I read a scientific study once and it said that 9 out of 10 girls say that Mayer fans are better lovers in bed. 10 out of 10 girls say they like to make love while Mayer songs are playing on their radio. Conversely, only 1 out of 10 girls enjoy making love to Gnarls Barkley songs. So using my if P then Q logic, I can deduce that most non-Mayer fans are lonely and could really benefit from meeting one of the millions of single girls present at every Mayer concert.

I wouldn't sleep with this guy - unless he asked me to...

To all of you now believers out there, I say you know the ills of being a player hater. Don't travel down the same path by becoming a Mayer Hater. If you sincerely hate this guy, you must have some sort of major character flaw that only a shrink can fix.

My Man Crush for the rest of 2008 = John Mayer.


Shandon said...

Ok - so I read Bryan's blog and then yours and I will say: I like his music on the radio - I have a hard time watching him sing, BUT after watching the "John Mayer Has A TV Show" I am forever a fan.

that was hilarious!

Thank you sir.

Horchata said...

(1) you took that a little personal, didn't you?

(2) Shandon just stabbed me in the back.

Shandon said...

Bryan, why do you have to hate?! I didnt stab you in the back - you know I adore you and your blog in its own way - I LOVE the top 10 moments.

Its just that this week you and Dontae had blogs on the same topic and he had more video support...

love you both!

Tizz said...

Shandon likes me more than you Bryan.

Who are we trying to kid here????