Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The Funny Thing About Dentists

It's been quite some time since I've done any ranting to you guys. Even though there are still millions of you out there reading this blog, I've fallen victim to my 9 to 5. In other words my 9 to 5 has become more of a 9 to 9. Anyhow, that's no excuse. You need to stay looped in to what's happening to me. So here we go...

I had to get a frickin' root canal today. Don't want to share too many details about which tooth it was as this could come back to haunt me in some future bar fight or something. But I can only say that they called it Number Ten. They couldn't stop talking about Number Ten for over an hour. And they even took about ten x-rays of Number Ten just for good measure.

Anyhoo, there I am. In the dental chair. Full recline. Doing my best to keep my eyes closed, I would occasionally slip and open up to find the Doc and his assistant gazing down at me. This is the definition of uncomfortable eye contact. But they're used to it, so I just closed my eyes again quickly each time as if I hadn't felt violated.

Awkward glances aside. My absolute most favorite part of going to the dentist is having the dentist carry on a conversation with you while his/her fist is in your mouth. In addition to their fist there are also a few drills, a few tubes, weird tasting chemicals and sometimes...if you're feeling risky...a dental dam. There just so happened to be a dental dam in my mouth this morning when I was asked if I followed basketball. I tried to muscle the words out through the contraption, but without much success. Each time I tried to mumble an affirmation, the dentist pretended he understood what I said and worked to drive the conversation forward.

Not only is this mumble-fest humiliating, it also hurts my jaws. So here is a note to all of the DDSs out there that don't read this blog: please don't force me to talk. Let me lay there silently. Get in, get out and let's both go about our business. Acting as if we didn't spend the last hour intimately connected; hand to mouth.SMH.

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