Sunday, May 31, 2009

Things To Do & Not To Do on Friday Night

DO - Buy boxed Sangria. Red is great. White is exquisite.

DON'T - Go to an Irish pub in Downtown Sunnyvale. Learn more about Sunnyvale here.

DO - Mix in a shot of Vanilla Smirnoff with your red sangria. Makes for a delightful berries and cream effect that causes you to forget that you're getting drunk.

DON'T - Allow drunken individuals to Swiffer your hardwood floors. Miraculously, there will be more dust on the ground than there was before the said person begins their Swiffering mission.

DO - Get drunk.

DON'T - Order an Adios MF'er after realizing that you're already drunk.

DO - Go to the sketchy club that costs $20 to enter. What's the worst that could happen?

DON'T - Panic when you realize that the club is 18 and over, and you're still somehow enjoying yourself.

DO - Dance with the hefty Filipina woman who is moving better than most of the women in the club.

DON'T - Worry about her skinnier friend. She'll get jealous of the big girl and try to steal you away if you give it some times.

DO - Admire the beauty of those in attendance.

DON'T - Pursue an 18 year old. No matter how interested she is in you. I know it's legal, but there are no exceptions to the rules governing my moral compass.

DO - Go to Wendy's for drunk food.

DON'T - Flirt with the cashier.

DO - Eat your sandwich and take your ass to bed.

DON'T - Allow your roommate - who may or may not be a tall Asian male - convince you to call Wendy's to see if Christine was interested in you.

Any questions? If not, I'll see you all next Friday. Pre-party at my place. BYOS (Bring your own sangria...)

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