Thursday, July 17, 2008

The Reason Chivalry is Dead

Sometimes women are eager to pay. Sometimes I let them.

A few weeks ago I met a new girl. A few weeks later, that girl is but a fleeting memory.

You see, I felt that this girl had everything going for her. She was attractive. She smelled good. She had a job that paid well. She even knew how to cook – with cooking clearly being an art form that is undervalued and frequently lost in the hustle and bustle of everyday life.

Yet, she had one fatal flaw that drove us apart. One aspect of her worldview was so troubling that I had to force myself to cut all ties and continue the search for my soul’s counterpoint. The problem was this: SHE EXPECTED ME TO PAY FOR EVERYTHING!


Now I’d suspect that after making that statement, a significant portion of my female readership will view this post as a testament to me being cheap and dismissively move on to my next post. If that is that case, I am sorry that you and I couldn’t engage this issue further to see if we couldn’t reach some sort of common ground. Guess I’ll have to make it up to you later...

Nevertheless, I fully expect that my male readership is still committed to hearing me out. Furthermore, I expect that 100% of those male readers that are not RICH will continue reading along as they have likely been forced to choose between women and finances at some point in the past.


As I noted above, money wasn’t a major issue for her. And although my current salary is laughably low, money isn’t necessarily a major issue for me. Yet, the principles that govern that way I manage my money – though lax at times – are undoubtedly steadfast staples in my personal life and in my relationships.

When courting a woman, I have no problem picking up the tab on occasion. First dates are a must. Just grabbing coffee isn’t the issue. But outing after outing of footing the bill can strain a relationship and can offer very telling information about the young woman who has been dining for free.

Problems usually surface in those awkward situations where no explicit arrangement has been made for the male to cover the costs associated with an activity. The drama always comes to a head when the check arrives and the young woman nervously smiles, or quietly excuses herself so to visit the little girls’ room. In such situations, any man would almost surely suffer a death by ridicule if he were so bold to ask the young woman to cover her share of the bill. Even if he ordered a simple hamburger, while she ordered the king crab!

Women often attempt to paint instances in which men try to skirt financial irresponsibility by asking their female counterparts to share in cost burdens as a sign that chivalry is dead. They summon memories of times past when men were perfect gentleman. Sadly, they carelessly overlook the fact that folks have been going Dutch for years (I should move to The Netherlands) and they conveniently reject feminist cries for independence and ability to provide for self.

This is the far-to-common strain of insanity that has afflicted far too many women. No one has been daring enough to scream from the mountaintop: The world has changed ladies! Chivalry means opening a door or walking on the outside when strolling down a city block. Chivalry means protecting a woman and respecting her as a true partner, an equal. Chivalry means making effort to buck the chauvinistic ways of our male-driven society. Chivalry does not mean paying for women at all times and chivalry cannot be found in a man’s wallet, trust fund or bank account. Failure to cover all expenses does not signal that he is not a gentleman. Instead it signals that while some folks were stuck in a time warp, others were evolving and adapting to a world in which men and women are both capable of paying.

Call me selfish. Tell me I should be more old-fashioned. Say what you must to get your point across. But do not suggest for a second that I am any less qualified of a mate or suitor because I refuse to blow all of my earnings in efforts to wine and dine young women I’m trying to impress. And while some women simply appreciate a man’s willingness to pay, those that feel an ill-advised sense of ENTITLEMENT to free food/drinks/admission/etc. are significantly shrinking there chances of finding a good guy by making judgments on such a grossly shallow and utterly superficial dimension.


At times I’ll see the young woman that I interacted with a few weeks back. I remind myself to look at my experience with her as a lesson learned. Still at times, I wonder if she took the time to brew over the error in her ways. I ask myself if she saw any fault in herself for derailing something that based on chemistry, attraction and seemingly all other facts had so much promise. Not for a moment do I doubt that she will find happiness and financial security in life. Yet, I rest assured that she will have to do so by finding some other sucker who is always willing to pay her cost of admission. To that sucker I say: you better keep your receipt. I don’t accept refunds.

In closing, I'll put it just like our good friend Colby O'Donis did:
And why ya thinkin' that you the only dude she off in the mall livin' off of you
Lettin' errbody know she got you but now you feel like a fool

He's not a fan of the high maintenance chicas either.


Emily said...

i pay! i try for half of the time but am usually thwarted and end up managing about 40ish%

C said...

that's what colby looks like?