Therefore, I am breaking up with you!
Well I'm not actually breaking up with anyone. But if I were to break up with a girl, I would use the words that my Man Idol, John Mayer, used:
Dear Ex Lover, Perhaps you didn’t understand the last time I told you to stop contacting me, so I’ll do my best to spell it out for you. I do not wish to have you in my life anymore. “I don’t know how much more clear I can be about it. It would serve you best to move on with your life and find someone who can put up with you, because I’m done trying. I hope this is enough closure for you.
I'm done trying to put up with you and your hissy fits. In fact, this actual wording used by John Mayer is so inspirational that I think I'm going to ask a girl to be my significant other solely for the purpose of breaking up with her a day later. Yes, that's right. I want to break up with her immediately. Only a man that has fallen in and out of love can really sing the blues.
Thanks again John Mayer for making this the best week ever on my blog.