Monday, June 16, 2008

Flushing My System

To my dearest readers,

Through my absence/quasi-presence last week, I neglected to inform you of my decision to give a Detox Diet another trial run.

My first experience with Detox dieting came last Summer; right on the heels of my graduation from college. Having nothing else in my life - other than work - to entertain and motivate me, I figured that it might be an amusing test of my will power to rid all of those nasty toxins from my body. So with the accompaniment of my favorite "White" guy, I set off on the road to purity.

Needless to say, the road to purity can only be reached via many violent trips to the little boys room. And this time around was no different. Day after day and meal after meal consisting of brown rice and steamed veggies felt like quite the honorable thing to do. Yet, this prolonged string of food awareness required me to temporarily pick a fight with my taste buds. By the end of Day 2, cashews were the closest thing that I had to meat.

Much to the dismay of a certain few, there were no violent toilet trips registered in the workplace this time around. Instead, mornings and post-work evenings were filled with unparalleled relief and repugnant odors representative of the digestive demons that were being exercised.

However, my dearest readers, you will be happy to know that the Detox Diet was short-lived. While I succeeded in making myself feel great (and extremely hungry) for a few days, I was just as successful at re-toxifying my body over the weekend.

And to think, the articles suggesting that I carry on this detox thing for 30 frickin' days!

Given the unlikelihood of me ever meeting the 30 day mark unless my girlfriend is an actress who needs my help to lose weight for a role in the upcoming Will Smith movie, I have decided that occasionally I will have detox days. These days probably won't do much for me physically. But mentally, I'll feel as pure as a 2 day old unnamed baby in the infant ward of the Children's Hospital.

1 comment:

Derwin said...

You should try my new diet. I call it the "metropolitan" diet. It's when you leave all your food in a refrigerator in one place while you are living in another place. The goal is to get your lazy ass up and walk a good bit to get something to eat. If you don't get up, then you aren't really hungry. I learned about this when moving from one apartment to another apartment in the same neighborhood.