Thursday, May 8, 2008

Movies That I'm Not Excited About

I just saw Iron Man the other night. While the film was definitely on my "Do Not Watch" list, I actually enjoyed it. The special effects were cool and Robert Downey Jr. was mildly humorous.

Unfortunately, the previews before the film further lessened my desire to see some of the "blockbusters" slated for release this summer.

The Hulk with Edward Norton will likely be a major improvement on the first piece of shit that was put out in 2003 - which I literally slept through. But not even Edward Norton, in all of his glory, will be able to win me over. And apparently now he'll be fighting another evil Hulk-like creature. The story looks predictable and simplistic. I'll pass.

Indiana Jones is returning this summer, too. Harrison Ford will be turning 66 years old this year. So while I am a bit intrigued to see what it would be like to watch an action movie starring John McCain, I was never really a big fan of this franchise. And the ride at Disneyland is a bit too bumpy now. I'll pass. (and yes, I checked in and there will be some grotesque and borderline racist depiction of some set of indigenous peoples included in the film)

Will Smith aka Mr. Independence Day is coming out with Hancock. I think he must've accepted this film in exchange for some mafia members agreeing to let his child live. I appreciate his firm commitment to the comedy genre, but seriously Will, you should not be taking on projects like this. For those reasons, I'll pass.

But the movie that will by far be the most ridiculous film released in 2008 is Speed Racer. I wasn't a huge fan of the cartoon, but I watched it all the time. In fact, I used to think the little monkey was cool. Yet, upon catching word that the entire film was shot in front of a green screen, I was able to reasonably infer that the film is all bark and no bite. I am confident that this film will have zero artistic value that will be accompanied by a senseless script. Far too many films have become reliant upon special effects to rake in the big dough. Sadly, this paradigmatic shift in the film industry is driving me away and forcing me to order obscure foreign films on Netflix.

Speed Racer will suck. I'll pass. You should too.


Clifton said...

i'm officially excommunicating you from the man caucus

Lauren said...

I saw Iron Man too. It was much better than I expected.