Monday, April 14, 2008
Why stun guns kick ass
A lobbyist came into my office today. She had quite an enchanting aroma about her. She smelled like a bowl of vanilla potpourri. Yet, her scent was a bit misleading. She wasn't all about rose petals and small puppies, or jelly beans and hopscotch. In fact, her purpose in life was quite contrary to her mesmerizing body spray that likely came from the Victoria's Secrets body spray section. You see, she was there to talk to me about stun guns.
For about 30 minutes she went on and on, detailing the effectiveness of her product and how it was saving lives all over the place. She provided us with the requisite number of anti-gun tales and explained how a stun gun gives you a chance to say "I'm sorry." All the while, the weapon featured above was resting at her side.
I started to tune out. I started to think about the "Don't tase me, bro" guy. I started to think about the poor guy at UCLA. I started to think about Mystikal, Master P, and Silkk the Shocker. But finally she asked me if I wanted to fire the gun. Without hesitation I said yes. She put her folder up against the wall and showed me how to operate the red laser which allows the shooter to take a more accurate shot. Needless to say, I ruined her binder because I was determine to send the electric shock into the folder after making sure that the metal prongs were hooked in. I smiled. I chuckled. I felt strong. I felt like yelling. I felt like eating a bacon cheeseburger without lettuce. I felt like a man (even when holding the pink model of the taser stun gun).
I'm a huge fan of gun control. But now I'm an even bigger fan of tasers. If not because I got to shoot the gun at an inanimate object, because it gives me a chance to say "I'm sorry" after I shock someone that I love. So my taser gun ownership motto will likely go as follows:
1. Shoot first
2. Laugh immediately thereafter
3. Say "I'm sorry" later